I originally wrote this July 14, 2015, and am publishing now because
the desire to share my learning with other activists has become more
important than my fear of negative reactions to this note.
***
The
other night I was sitting on my porch couch with some friends talking
about social justice, as one does on most nights, and the subject of
exponential awareness-raising came up. By this I mean that there are
issues that I have come to care about that I didn't always concern
myself with as much as I do now, and in the past years my understanding
of why they are important has increased exponentially. One such issue
is, to put it broadly, racism. It can be hard to remember my own deeper
degree ignorance of not so long ago, when relating to people who are
unaware of what I have had the fortune and choice to be educated about.
We talked about how our awareness was changed on this issue, as white
people. What was the journey? And after this conversation, I got to
thinking that I might find meaning in sharing some of the milestones of
this journey, for me.
I was told by my mom at age
three, perhaps, that my grandfather was "prejudiced" but that she, or we
(I can't remember if she specified herself or both of us) weren't. We
lived in a nearly all-white neighborhood in a small, conservative
Northern California town, but we had one black neighbor who my mom was
on friendly terms with, and we sometimes went over to her house. So I
was never consciously "racist" by the dictionary definition of
"consciously believing people of a certain skin color are inferior or
should be stereotyped in a certain way." But it would be a long time
before I started to understand that racism is so much more than that.
Unfortunately
my exposure to people of color remained limited most of my childhood
and adolescence as I lived in small rural communities such as Anderson
and Gardnerville that were mostly white and also segregated in function.
My time in Sacramento for three years was something of an exception to
this.
I'd like to jump ahead to my teenage years,
during which time I became more involved in activism: first animal
rights, then working at the Peace & Justice Center, Food Not
Bombs.... My main cause was always "saving the Earth." Although I
definitely always carried a sense that "what's wrong with the world" is
all inter-related, I still had some compartmentalization when I would
express the thought, sincerely at the time, that social justice issues
such as racism should take a back-burner to environmental concerns. I
believed, and still do, that industrial civilization is deathly, but I
led that to another belief that any other "causes" could not be
important--even that working on social justice while species are dying
every day was selfish. Humans in the first world have it so good, I
thought, even if they do experience racism. How can that be as important
as stopping the destruction of our entire biosphere?
Enter
Mimi Riley's "Our Sustainable Future" class at Butte College, 2008.
This was hardly a "social justice" class, mostly focused on such issues
as deforestation, climate disruption, ocean pollution, etc. But one
thing she exposed us to that semester was the concept of
"Eco-Apartheid," from Van Jones. We watched a movie from him that
discussed the racial segregation of the environmental movement:
middle-class white people driving Priuses while black and brown families
are forced by institutional poverty to live in areas subject to factory
pollution, causing health problems, among other things. His proposal
was to dissolve this eco-apartheid through efforts such as creating
green-collar jobs (like installing solar panels) for working class
people of color. I didn't rush out and join that campaign, but I thought
it made sense, and my separation between "environmental activism" and
"social activism" dissolved a little more (it had always been porous). I
realized that if I wanted people facing the issues of racism to care
about things I care about--like protecting redwood trees--I needed to
show mutuality and care about the daily struggles they face that keep
them from having more energy to expend on other "causes." I didn't yet
know how to do this, but again, I agreed it was sound in principle. This
article by him expresses some of the same ideas:
http://truth-out.org/archive/component/k2/item/70209:van-jones--beyond-ecoapartheid
Another
milestone happened over a period of time, but there is a story that
crystallizes the principle. I was at workshop with Miki Kashtan in
Berkeley in 2012, about Principle-Based Teaching (of Nonviolent
Communication). While we were there an issue of perceived racial
(racist?) exclusion came up. There was a group process about it. The
outcome of this process was the idea that it is easier to be present
with a white person who is crying because their feelings are hurt during
a conversation about race--and harder to empathize with a person of
color who is expressing anger about injustice. But being present with
that anger is all the more important and valuable because it is harder
to do. This will seem like old hat to many anti-racism activists, but it
is a milestone for me and others I imagine. Before that, I still had a
fear of anger and some beliefs that it is "not an effective way to
express oneself," or that it is the job of those of us who are upset
about a social injustice to calm ourselves before speaking, rather than
an opportunity for the listener to practice being present with rage and
frustration. I already was convinced that anger does NOT equal violence,
and anger is a valid emotion, but I still had hangups internalized from
culture about it--even and maybe especially within the NVC community.
Now
my awareness increase starts to unfold faster. In 2013 a friend told me
to read "Sitting in the Fire" by Arnold Mendel. It's a book about
communicating about privilege and oppression. He calls it "rank" instead
of privilege, but it's a similar concept. He discussed all sorts of
rank, including gender, racial, even spiritual. (This ties back in with
the above paragraph--people pull "spiritual rank" by saying something
such as, "But I must be right and you must be wrong because I am so calm
and you are hysterical.") He also encourages people to not deny their
rank, but to use it to promote awareness of those who don't have it. For
example, he says, if you are heterosexual and coupled, don't refrain
from making out with your partner in public because not all queer
couples can do that. Make out with them, and then loudly pronounce,
"Wouldn't it be great if ALL romantic partners felt safe kissing in
public? I'd LOVE to live in a world like that!!" (Which I then did at
least once with my boyfriend at the time, although I used to kiss my
ex-girlfriend in public a lot too. Chico is pretty chill.)
That
same year I was noticing the misogyny all around me more and more. I
had someone coming to my NVC classes cross some boundaries, and do some
online harassment towards me. I found it very difficult to get support.
People wanted to justify his actions and defend him more than support
me. I became even more hyper-aware of systemic sexism than I had been in
the past. And since I was reading Sitting in the Fire at the time, I
once again came to a logical conclusion: If I want men to be my allies
in the fight against violence and predation on women, I need to be in
integrity and be more of an ally to those who don't have an unearned
social privilege I do: whiteness.
At that time I
started to access online learning resources more. I started reading more
articles on Everyday Feminism and such sites about types of oppression
that I don't face. I started seeing a word pop up that I had a feeling
of long before I saw it (although it had already existed, it wasn't as
pervasive as it is now): intersectionality. Over time, I have really
come to stretch myself more and more in reading "angry" even
"accusatory" expressions of rage against injustice that I don't
experience myself, although I can relate to from other oppressions I do.
Occasionally I can really take on that view, such as when reading bell
hooks and realizing I identify with her first-person narrative character
so much that I also feel that "Killing Rage" (the name of one of her
books) about white supremacy; I no longer have the patience to wait for
"progress" on this issue; it should never have happened this way in the
first place. (!)
Now, this exponential awareness
increase has gotten to the point where I see racism everywhere I turn. I
also see COLONIALISM which I have always been more aware of, from being
taught a certain empathy for First Nations people also by my mother
(although she didn't know that term), and from valuing the ecological
wisdom that First Nations traditions hold. I no longer see these things
as even remotely separate. Racism and the destruction of the planet are
part of the same issue, along with a whole host of other tragedies of
patriarchal culture.
I imagine some people reading this
and thinking that this white woman doesn't even know. I KNOW I still
have a lot to learn, and I am enjoying the painful process of
challenging my racist socialization, although I feel like if I take in
any more awareness about injustice my head might explode. Maybe that
would be a good thing though. It's said, when your heart breaks, let it
break open. What happens if my head breaks open? New astounding insight?
Looking
over these milestones I see that it took so long for me to get these
things that now seem so obvious and I wonder if there is a way to
communicate them to people who haven't encountered these within
themselves. This was actually one of the topics covered at the workshop
in 2012; not about racism specifically but about increasing awareness of
the world and our desires to live well in it--how to condense
milestones in consciousness into a short phrase--like a bumper
sticker--that can easily be grasped. Some that could be sifted from what
I've written here might be, in order:
"Down with Eco-Apartheid: Green Jobs for All"
"Anger is an Opportunity to be Present to Injustice"
"Use Your White Privilege to Film Cops Harassing People"
"Want Solidarity? Give Solidarity to Others"
"Oppression Takes Many Forms; Learn about All of Them"
"The Neuroses of Awareness are Worth the Expansion of the Heart"
On
the other hand, I question whether someone would really "get" these
unless they already "got them." But I also think that when we finally
"get" something, it might be because partially because we have
encountered it before and not gotten it. I think of the Intercultural
Communication class I took at Butte. Many of these concepts or related
ones were presented in that class, but I didn't really get them at that
time. Is that because I wasn't ready, or because the teacher didn't
communicate them effectively, or both? I think it has something to do
with the academic structure of learning, in which teachers are not
mentors, who take the time to learn where each student is at and help
guide them to their next stage of learning. Instead there is set
curriculum that may be too easy for some, too hard for others, and not
right at all for even more.
***
And on that note
of mentoring, I am deciding to publish this primarily because of a
recent altercation I had with someone I collaborate with on some
activist projects. I have realized that the material I needed for that
conversation already exists, I have been sitting on it waiting for this
day to come. Go forth words, and ripple in ways I may never know.
Friday, November 25, 2016
The Necessity of Social Justice Work in Climate Activism, Part One: Reflections on Pulse
Even knowing (thinking? wondering if?) I am apparently more likely to be massacred in a queer club, I feel safer in queer clubs than in straight bars. (Clubs. Whatever. I'm using them as synonyms.)
I thought about this in the days and hours after the Pulse tragedy, as I had already been considering going out to a queer bar here in Medellin. I questioned for a moment, in that irrational way humans do, applying something with similar characteristics to our own lives, however distance and removed, if this could happen where I am.
Here's why: Even if there is some kind of hate crime at a queer club every night in a thousand, I experience harassment and lack of consent practices in straight clubs any time I go out and try to socialize.
If I go and don't make eye contact with any male-presenting people, I can maybe get away without being harassed. Not always.
But I want to go out to socialize, and yet the sad fact is that in straight bars people don't know how to respectfully ease into consensual interactions.
I am one to wear my love and lust on my sleeve. When I like someone (blush), I tell them. Often through text messages, drunk or no, because then I can get all my thoughts out at once, without interruption, and be sure that I am saying exactly what I want to say.
Some people think this is weird. I met up with a fellow traveler yesterday who was surprised by this, calling it brave. I have gotten the gamut of responses to my strategy, from "brave" to "awkward and dorky / not smooth." Even "desperate" (probably mostly in my head).
But my question is, what is the alternative? If I am attracted to someone, and I don't just put this out there, what do I do? Well, the alternative given to my by this culture (and I certainly have participated in this as well) is to wait for some chance moment to swoop in for a kiss. Sometimes accompanied by liquid courage. But as the song goes, a kiss is not a contract. What do you think that kiss means?
Anyway, THIS REALLY UPSETS ME. I am so sick of the swoop-kiss, in real life and in media. In TV shows, it is portrayed as romantic. I have even seen, repeatedly, that some character, often male, kisses a female character who is in a monogamous relationship. She doesn't stop him right away, out of surprise and/or enjoyment. Then, she feels guilty, and sometimes her male partner even gets mad at her for cheating. She will often say, "I kissed so-and-so." Um, no, they kissed you. It is not your job to go around fending off kisses. And, for me, an unasked for kiss can be just as violating as lots of other unasked for sexual contact. You can't take it back once your lips are planted on me.
All of which is to say, this is the meat-and-potatoes of straight culture and straight bars, I think. And straight culture in general. Not to say it isn't present in queer culture - as portrayed in media as well. I got mad when, in Pretty Little Liars, Paige swoop-kissed Emily while Emily was upset about Maya. How insensitive could she be? (And I recall times when I tried to swoop in, especially in my high school days, on someone I liked who had just broken up with someone.)
I am probably spoiled. I get to spend parts of my summers surrounded by magical community where consent is a top priority, the norm, the expectation. But this shouldn't be spoiled, I want this to be the norm everywhere. Because once I knew how much safer, healthier, it felt, I can't deal with this violation culture all over the place. I want to be able to go into any bar, straight or not, and have a conversation with someone, drunk, and trust that they won't try to swoop-kiss me. I was at a club a few months ago and danced with a cute girl. Even amidst the loud noise, I was able to easily, and gracefully, lean into her ear and ask, "Before we leave tonight, would you like my number, a kiss, or both?" And she smiled and said both!
Consent is one of my biggest values. It is why I am so distraught over what is going on in the world. We have a disaster going on in the world in terms of consent. Last year, while being trained for my job advocating for climate legislation, I connected my value of consent to the problems of the world, again. If we valued consent as a culture, nobody would build nuclear power plants, coal plants, or fracking operations, because they would have to get the consent of those who live there - including the plants, animals, rivers. And they would never consent to that! It's absurd! I know it is an overused, perhaps even desensitizing term, but this is why the phrase "the rape of the Earth" emerged.
I am wondering how we can, at this moment in time when so many are increasingly betting on worst-case scenarios, bring consent into climate activism. This is how we can make the climate movement feminist. These issues are not silos, as ecofeminists have been aware of for decades. It is all connected. Just as Pulse is connected too (and thank you forever, 350, for acknowledging this).
There has long been a divide between social justice activism, and environmental activism. That is why these days, I talk about and social and environmental justice. Bring these things together. 350.org as a global organization is making strides in this department. But I still hear folks in my community, sounding like myself not so many years ago, saying "The environment is more important than human social justice, because we all need it (the earth) to live any life, even a horrible one." I am not going to name any names. I love you, fellow activists. I understand your reasoning, because it was once my own. It is a seductive line of thought, especially for those of us who are White enough, or rich enough, or educated enough, to have some distance on any social problems except the environmental ones.
I no longer think this is true. For some people, they say, we don't have time to be distracted by social justice causes, because we need to put all of our energy into fighting climate change. Slowing it down, whicever. I say, we don't have time to not think about social justice. It is an emergency that we bring our movements together, as some already know. I want to see this happen in my community. It is important for two reasons, that I can name in particular.
One, I don't think humans are inherently greedy and selfish. Some may have their empathy turned down quite a bit. But in general, when we humans have our basic needs cared for, it is easier for us to make decisions considerate of others. Take plastic bags as an example. Here in Colombia, I am using way more plastic bags. This happens because they are offered to me constantly, and it is much harder to turn them down when I don't have an alternative to offer, as I often do at home. When I am grounded at home, and have enough food to eat, options for what to eat, food from my garden, I am more easily able to avoid plastic bags. My mom, who lives off grid, finds plastic bags incredibly useful. When you are poor and may not even have running water or a fridge, plastic helps keep things separate, clean, dry. Another example: when I am here, walking around in the heat, and feeling dehydrated, if I can't find water or a place to get a juice in a glass, I much more readily accept a plastic container of juice, because my more basic needs aren't met. Again, this is a matter of physical priorities. Our organisms must be fed, watered, protected from the elements, before we can effectively reach beyond ourselves to care for the rest of life.
The second reason is that to have an effective movement, we need all hearts and minds in the problem of climate change and stopping capitalism's assault on life. And we aren't going to have all hearts and minds on the problem if some people keep reiterating this claim that it is the only cause that matters. We need solidarity. We need mutual aid. This has all been said before. I am not the first, or the most eloquent. But I hope some people I know will listen to me when I say that I will be able to be more present and bring my whole self to my climate activism if my straight climate activist allies care just as much about ending heteronormativity. I feel alienated when I see environmental activists seeming to ignore the Pulse tragedy, stuck in our issue-silos. I know we are all experiencing compassion fatigue; there are plenty of events in the world I can't always bring myself to act on. But I can still look, I can still breathe into my heart and acknowledge this is happening.
Can we all care about consent together, the consent that stops the rape of human bodies as well as bioregions and ecosystems, and our whole biosphere? I know it is overwhelming, but will you breathe into this with me, and we can share our hearts, and act from here?
I thought about this in the days and hours after the Pulse tragedy, as I had already been considering going out to a queer bar here in Medellin. I questioned for a moment, in that irrational way humans do, applying something with similar characteristics to our own lives, however distance and removed, if this could happen where I am.
Here's why: Even if there is some kind of hate crime at a queer club every night in a thousand, I experience harassment and lack of consent practices in straight clubs any time I go out and try to socialize.
If I go and don't make eye contact with any male-presenting people, I can maybe get away without being harassed. Not always.
But I want to go out to socialize, and yet the sad fact is that in straight bars people don't know how to respectfully ease into consensual interactions.
I am one to wear my love and lust on my sleeve. When I like someone (blush), I tell them. Often through text messages, drunk or no, because then I can get all my thoughts out at once, without interruption, and be sure that I am saying exactly what I want to say.
Some people think this is weird. I met up with a fellow traveler yesterday who was surprised by this, calling it brave. I have gotten the gamut of responses to my strategy, from "brave" to "awkward and dorky / not smooth." Even "desperate" (probably mostly in my head).
But my question is, what is the alternative? If I am attracted to someone, and I don't just put this out there, what do I do? Well, the alternative given to my by this culture (and I certainly have participated in this as well) is to wait for some chance moment to swoop in for a kiss. Sometimes accompanied by liquid courage. But as the song goes, a kiss is not a contract. What do you think that kiss means?
Anyway, THIS REALLY UPSETS ME. I am so sick of the swoop-kiss, in real life and in media. In TV shows, it is portrayed as romantic. I have even seen, repeatedly, that some character, often male, kisses a female character who is in a monogamous relationship. She doesn't stop him right away, out of surprise and/or enjoyment. Then, she feels guilty, and sometimes her male partner even gets mad at her for cheating. She will often say, "I kissed so-and-so." Um, no, they kissed you. It is not your job to go around fending off kisses. And, for me, an unasked for kiss can be just as violating as lots of other unasked for sexual contact. You can't take it back once your lips are planted on me.
All of which is to say, this is the meat-and-potatoes of straight culture and straight bars, I think. And straight culture in general. Not to say it isn't present in queer culture - as portrayed in media as well. I got mad when, in Pretty Little Liars, Paige swoop-kissed Emily while Emily was upset about Maya. How insensitive could she be? (And I recall times when I tried to swoop in, especially in my high school days, on someone I liked who had just broken up with someone.)
I am probably spoiled. I get to spend parts of my summers surrounded by magical community where consent is a top priority, the norm, the expectation. But this shouldn't be spoiled, I want this to be the norm everywhere. Because once I knew how much safer, healthier, it felt, I can't deal with this violation culture all over the place. I want to be able to go into any bar, straight or not, and have a conversation with someone, drunk, and trust that they won't try to swoop-kiss me. I was at a club a few months ago and danced with a cute girl. Even amidst the loud noise, I was able to easily, and gracefully, lean into her ear and ask, "Before we leave tonight, would you like my number, a kiss, or both?" And she smiled and said both!
Consent is one of my biggest values. It is why I am so distraught over what is going on in the world. We have a disaster going on in the world in terms of consent. Last year, while being trained for my job advocating for climate legislation, I connected my value of consent to the problems of the world, again. If we valued consent as a culture, nobody would build nuclear power plants, coal plants, or fracking operations, because they would have to get the consent of those who live there - including the plants, animals, rivers. And they would never consent to that! It's absurd! I know it is an overused, perhaps even desensitizing term, but this is why the phrase "the rape of the Earth" emerged.
I am wondering how we can, at this moment in time when so many are increasingly betting on worst-case scenarios, bring consent into climate activism. This is how we can make the climate movement feminist. These issues are not silos, as ecofeminists have been aware of for decades. It is all connected. Just as Pulse is connected too (and thank you forever, 350, for acknowledging this).
There has long been a divide between social justice activism, and environmental activism. That is why these days, I talk about and social and environmental justice. Bring these things together. 350.org as a global organization is making strides in this department. But I still hear folks in my community, sounding like myself not so many years ago, saying "The environment is more important than human social justice, because we all need it (the earth) to live any life, even a horrible one." I am not going to name any names. I love you, fellow activists. I understand your reasoning, because it was once my own. It is a seductive line of thought, especially for those of us who are White enough, or rich enough, or educated enough, to have some distance on any social problems except the environmental ones.
I no longer think this is true. For some people, they say, we don't have time to be distracted by social justice causes, because we need to put all of our energy into fighting climate change. Slowing it down, whicever. I say, we don't have time to not think about social justice. It is an emergency that we bring our movements together, as some already know. I want to see this happen in my community. It is important for two reasons, that I can name in particular.
One, I don't think humans are inherently greedy and selfish. Some may have their empathy turned down quite a bit. But in general, when we humans have our basic needs cared for, it is easier for us to make decisions considerate of others. Take plastic bags as an example. Here in Colombia, I am using way more plastic bags. This happens because they are offered to me constantly, and it is much harder to turn them down when I don't have an alternative to offer, as I often do at home. When I am grounded at home, and have enough food to eat, options for what to eat, food from my garden, I am more easily able to avoid plastic bags. My mom, who lives off grid, finds plastic bags incredibly useful. When you are poor and may not even have running water or a fridge, plastic helps keep things separate, clean, dry. Another example: when I am here, walking around in the heat, and feeling dehydrated, if I can't find water or a place to get a juice in a glass, I much more readily accept a plastic container of juice, because my more basic needs aren't met. Again, this is a matter of physical priorities. Our organisms must be fed, watered, protected from the elements, before we can effectively reach beyond ourselves to care for the rest of life.
The second reason is that to have an effective movement, we need all hearts and minds in the problem of climate change and stopping capitalism's assault on life. And we aren't going to have all hearts and minds on the problem if some people keep reiterating this claim that it is the only cause that matters. We need solidarity. We need mutual aid. This has all been said before. I am not the first, or the most eloquent. But I hope some people I know will listen to me when I say that I will be able to be more present and bring my whole self to my climate activism if my straight climate activist allies care just as much about ending heteronormativity. I feel alienated when I see environmental activists seeming to ignore the Pulse tragedy, stuck in our issue-silos. I know we are all experiencing compassion fatigue; there are plenty of events in the world I can't always bring myself to act on. But I can still look, I can still breathe into my heart and acknowledge this is happening.
Can we all care about consent together, the consent that stops the rape of human bodies as well as bioregions and ecosystems, and our whole biosphere? I know it is overwhelming, but will you breathe into this with me, and we can share our hearts, and act from here?
Monday, June 27, 2016
A Entender Una Broma
Place: Ampitheater, small, of a biblioteca or similar building in La Playa area of Medellin (I still cannot figure out how to put in an accent on that i).
Time: Mid-morning to midday, June 22.
Scene: Fold-down seats of about 150, half-full. Big screen on which presentation and videos from LGBTI (pronounced elle-hay-be-te-ee) collectives all over the city play.
Guys. Guise. Gize. This city has a different LGBT organization or collective for every neighborhood. OK, so this probably makes sense, given how big of a city this is. But still. That is pretty cool. And yes, maybe some neighborhoods aren't represented. I am sure that is true. Still.
Am I getting ahead of myself? How did I end up here? Where to start? The event at the other library with the history of LGBT people in Medellin? Where my now host invited me to stay at her sweet little house on the outskirts of the city, for much cheaper than the hostel I was staying at? With a KITTEN?
How the next day I went to a presentation on marriage equality in Colombia and met new friends who I rlylikealot. And went to a concert with them, only leaving early to not miss the last bus to San Cristobal.
How I got to go to this event because E (my host) invited me along, because she was going to represent her organization.
I learned a lot, even without being fluent in Spanish and not being able to maintain my attention for very long to the words.
It is amazing how much you can gain, and also how much you can miss, being in a group of people speaking in another language. This same day, I was sitting during lunch with a small circle of folks. E asked if she could have some piece of meal that I was too full to eat. I asked if I should put it in her styrofoam box. She said, No aca! And someone else, L, who I'd met a few times, laughed, Aca, in su boca! And I laughed with them. It was a simple joke, but still, it was a joke, and I understood it. It contrasted with the times I have sat in a circle of people laughing at a Spanish joke and not understood it.
Very soon after, I expressed that I was going to hang out with a friend, and L started teasing me about whether this was like a date. I was able to say, "Soy timida!" as an excuse not to reveal any information. This was all very good fun.
I have decided to experiment with posting shorter, bite-sized blogs, so I will end this here. Fair warning, the next one may be in a more serious tone.
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
Between Vacation and Pilgrimage
I'm stuck between vacation and pilgrimage.
Initially I blamed this - which I only realized this evening, but of course have been feeling for days - on Jacob. He is certainly part of it. He wants to do vacation-y things, like go swimming in chlorinated pools, ziplining, who knows what else. That's OK. He is still learning so much about the world; I trust in that. It actually seems good for him to do fun and familiar things on this trip, to balance out the culture shock.
In a way though I have set myself up for success. I have the perfect excuse for not sinking into my journey faster, a tether to the culture of the United States, entitlement to be a traveler without a purpose other than self-enjoyment, hedonism. I don't have a problem with hedonism, usually. I think it's great - "harm none, do what ye well" and "all acts of love and pleasure are Her rituals."
But in someone else's land and culture (which raises some serious questions about my place in the land of the Maidu, the Wintu, Turtle Island as Gary Snyder called it), I don't feel so entitled. I feel guilty. And recently, I did an exercise to discover what I really want. One answer was, "I want to stop feeling guilty and start having fun." However, this was more about a specific relationship dynamic than it was about my trip.
I should feel guilty. In a good way. A way that promotes growth. Brene Brown says that guilt is the positive alternative to shame. Rather than thinking we are "bad people," we see that our actions were bad - or in NVC speak, did not live up to our values or ideals. Then we make reparations and strive to do something different in the future.
The problem is that the things I feel guilty about have to do with white and First World privilege. And it is stress compounded, because of all the crap us white people take for "indulging in guilt" within the activist network. I get it that it can be bothersome when a white person's guilt distracts from the work of social justice. But feelings are important. That's why we need to make the activist network a community of people who can support one another.
Oh my god, but I digress. Or do I? I said I was coming on this trip to get different perspectives on climate change. How to think about the problem. What the solutions are. Yet an oh-so-obvious realization emerged the other night. I was in Cahuita, Costa Rica, staying at Cabinas Algebra. The owner, a German expat (also known as an immigrant) mentioned climate change one evening. I told her that this subject is one of my main reasons for this trip. She invited me to interview her.
The interview was a little difficult for me. I didn't have questions prepared. I imagine myself coming off as simultaneously too formal and also unprofessional for what I was trying to do. She told me a story that wasn't very surprising: the rains are less than they used to be, wells are going dry. Less frogs - she hadn't seen the formerly common poison dart frog in months (although I think J. and I did later see one, I think while waiting for a bus by the side of a minor highway). How does this affect tourism? Turns out, it's great! Tourists love the sun. They complain when it rains, she said. "Why does it always rain in the Caribbean?" I don't understand this myself. The rain was a welcome relief from being constantly drenched in sweat, blazing humid heat. We had to leave more quickly than we planned because we couldn't sleep at night. I suppose with folks who have money enough for air conditioning it doesn't matter.
During the interview, I didn't know what else to ask. I had already covered, what are people here doing about climate change? She said that folks are becoming more concerned, but also valuing First World resources and lifestyles. Cars are becoming more common among locals. So I asked her what social issues folks are more concerned about. She said it is like anywhere else, naming social problems such as domestic violence, drug addiction. Also access to education. Her son, 17, said that in the nearby bigger town there is a lot of "copying" on classwork (he didn't use the word cheating - is this because he is of German descent in a Spanish-speaking country and it isn't common? Maybe, but it reminded me that the idea of pooling knowledge as bad is not universal). They said that the public school in Cahuita has issues - there is only one teacher, and when she has an errand to run or other obligation, class is cancelled that day.
This all led me to realize that, of course, climate change cannot be seen as in a vacuum. We can't have a meaningful conversation about this without talking about everything else happening in the world. I mean this in a spiritual sense more than an empirical sense, though I believe both are true. It's like a friend of mine once said: Of course my body goes through seasons. I'm part of Earth, and Earth goes through seasons.
Similarly, when we go through environmental trauma, such as cambio climático, we are all going through it together. How does climate change affect domestic violence? Drug addiction? Some would say not at all, that I'm grasping at connections that aren't there. I'd fling some mud at those folks in the form of my favorite slur: reductionistI! When we look at it in the opposite direction, it is easy to see that metaphors abound for how our treatment of the planet is analogous to intimate partner violence; this may have first been introduced to me by a book I saw on the Peace Center library shelf called Rape of the Earth. Then there is the concept of our "addiction to oil."
Sometimes we are told that we "don't have time" to focus on a certain social problem because some other problem is more urgent or important. Sure. At this moment, I want to bring in some Pema Chodron wisdom and say, none of them are problems at all. They are situations. Dilemmas, maybe. Opportunities to respond with compassion and the intention to reduce suffering, acknowledging that we may not ever be able to eliminate it - because there is a dynamic tension between the pain of the universe and the compassionate response to that pain (got this from The Universe Story by David Swimme). This is not to excuse intentionally or negligently harmful behavior. It isn't spiritual bypassing. It is, I hope, spiritual integration. We need some way to be at peace while also engaging in social change efforts.
That is our mission. Our life's work, according to some person quoted in the book I have The Art of Pilgrimage, is a mission we must dedicate our lives to - and it must be something that is impossible to complete.
I can tell this post is coming to a conclusion because I'm getting anxious about how to conclude. I want to perform pilgrimage for y'all. Or perform adventure? I don't know. Here's some radical honesty: I'm nervous that those who contributed to my trip financially will judge me for "not doing it right" somehow. What do you want from me? I trust that those who really love me and are clear in themselves want me to follow whatever I want. I asked for elder- mentoring on Facebook and got this question: What do you hope for?
My answer: I hope to travel in the spirit. This was a phrase that came out my clearness committee on January at Western Young Friends New Year's gathering. I am telling myself, after Jacob leaves, then I can drop all the planning and listen to Spirit more. But I know that if I'm using him as an excuse now, then I will find another one then. So I am doing my best to listen now. I got the message today: go to the market. There is a farmer's market in Boquete once a week. Extranjeros sell goodies there as well as locals. I tried to support those who looked local or seemed to only speak Spanish, to disrupt the colonization process happening there with retirees moving en masse. I bought organic sprouts, happy eggs, some traditional treats (like corn shaped into a mini-pita and filled with queso, frijoles, y salsa, and an empanada), parsley for 50 cents, yogurt con melacotón, blackberries, and a veggie meatball made of lentils and quinoa and walnuts. (It was amazing.)
I also got the message, go surfing. This was already an option, but there were a number of options, and I wasn't sure which to follow. So we are headed to Punta Burica now. We came down out of the mountains where Boquete is to David. The transition was rough. I got super stressed at the crowded bus station. I didn't have an address. We ended up taking a taxi to the hostel. No one wanted us on the bus with our big backpacks. (Although we had taken a calm bus ride from Palmira to David. Which was interesting because of the scenic route, as well as the lovely walkways that go over the highways, one of which was even wheelchair accessible. I was impressed by the infrastructure.)
We met three German travelers here at the hostel. They are going to Punta Burica tomorrow too. Meeting German travelers seems to be a theme on this trip. I try to bond with them over the German spelling of my last name. The first one was impressed, but these ones less so.
I'm drawing Tarot cards about every 2.7 days. At first I got The Fool. Then the 8 of Wands. Now I'm on the 2 of Wands. The message: "You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore." I'm ready to do that. It feels like it goes with surfing very well too, although I certainly plan to keep the shore in sight.
I'll draw a new card tomorrow, and see where I'm at in my journey then.
[Journey - from the French word "jour," - "day" - the distance traveled in a day.]
Initially I blamed this - which I only realized this evening, but of course have been feeling for days - on Jacob. He is certainly part of it. He wants to do vacation-y things, like go swimming in chlorinated pools, ziplining, who knows what else. That's OK. He is still learning so much about the world; I trust in that. It actually seems good for him to do fun and familiar things on this trip, to balance out the culture shock.
In a way though I have set myself up for success. I have the perfect excuse for not sinking into my journey faster, a tether to the culture of the United States, entitlement to be a traveler without a purpose other than self-enjoyment, hedonism. I don't have a problem with hedonism, usually. I think it's great - "harm none, do what ye well" and "all acts of love and pleasure are Her rituals."
But in someone else's land and culture (which raises some serious questions about my place in the land of the Maidu, the Wintu, Turtle Island as Gary Snyder called it), I don't feel so entitled. I feel guilty. And recently, I did an exercise to discover what I really want. One answer was, "I want to stop feeling guilty and start having fun." However, this was more about a specific relationship dynamic than it was about my trip.
I should feel guilty. In a good way. A way that promotes growth. Brene Brown says that guilt is the positive alternative to shame. Rather than thinking we are "bad people," we see that our actions were bad - or in NVC speak, did not live up to our values or ideals. Then we make reparations and strive to do something different in the future.
The problem is that the things I feel guilty about have to do with white and First World privilege. And it is stress compounded, because of all the crap us white people take for "indulging in guilt" within the activist network. I get it that it can be bothersome when a white person's guilt distracts from the work of social justice. But feelings are important. That's why we need to make the activist network a community of people who can support one another.
Oh my god, but I digress. Or do I? I said I was coming on this trip to get different perspectives on climate change. How to think about the problem. What the solutions are. Yet an oh-so-obvious realization emerged the other night. I was in Cahuita, Costa Rica, staying at Cabinas Algebra. The owner, a German expat (also known as an immigrant) mentioned climate change one evening. I told her that this subject is one of my main reasons for this trip. She invited me to interview her.
The interview was a little difficult for me. I didn't have questions prepared. I imagine myself coming off as simultaneously too formal and also unprofessional for what I was trying to do. She told me a story that wasn't very surprising: the rains are less than they used to be, wells are going dry. Less frogs - she hadn't seen the formerly common poison dart frog in months (although I think J. and I did later see one, I think while waiting for a bus by the side of a minor highway). How does this affect tourism? Turns out, it's great! Tourists love the sun. They complain when it rains, she said. "Why does it always rain in the Caribbean?" I don't understand this myself. The rain was a welcome relief from being constantly drenched in sweat, blazing humid heat. We had to leave more quickly than we planned because we couldn't sleep at night. I suppose with folks who have money enough for air conditioning it doesn't matter.
During the interview, I didn't know what else to ask. I had already covered, what are people here doing about climate change? She said that folks are becoming more concerned, but also valuing First World resources and lifestyles. Cars are becoming more common among locals. So I asked her what social issues folks are more concerned about. She said it is like anywhere else, naming social problems such as domestic violence, drug addiction. Also access to education. Her son, 17, said that in the nearby bigger town there is a lot of "copying" on classwork (he didn't use the word cheating - is this because he is of German descent in a Spanish-speaking country and it isn't common? Maybe, but it reminded me that the idea of pooling knowledge as bad is not universal). They said that the public school in Cahuita has issues - there is only one teacher, and when she has an errand to run or other obligation, class is cancelled that day.
This all led me to realize that, of course, climate change cannot be seen as in a vacuum. We can't have a meaningful conversation about this without talking about everything else happening in the world. I mean this in a spiritual sense more than an empirical sense, though I believe both are true. It's like a friend of mine once said: Of course my body goes through seasons. I'm part of Earth, and Earth goes through seasons.
Similarly, when we go through environmental trauma, such as cambio climático, we are all going through it together. How does climate change affect domestic violence? Drug addiction? Some would say not at all, that I'm grasping at connections that aren't there. I'd fling some mud at those folks in the form of my favorite slur: reductionistI! When we look at it in the opposite direction, it is easy to see that metaphors abound for how our treatment of the planet is analogous to intimate partner violence; this may have first been introduced to me by a book I saw on the Peace Center library shelf called Rape of the Earth. Then there is the concept of our "addiction to oil."
Sometimes we are told that we "don't have time" to focus on a certain social problem because some other problem is more urgent or important. Sure. At this moment, I want to bring in some Pema Chodron wisdom and say, none of them are problems at all. They are situations. Dilemmas, maybe. Opportunities to respond with compassion and the intention to reduce suffering, acknowledging that we may not ever be able to eliminate it - because there is a dynamic tension between the pain of the universe and the compassionate response to that pain (got this from The Universe Story by David Swimme). This is not to excuse intentionally or negligently harmful behavior. It isn't spiritual bypassing. It is, I hope, spiritual integration. We need some way to be at peace while also engaging in social change efforts.
That is our mission. Our life's work, according to some person quoted in the book I have The Art of Pilgrimage, is a mission we must dedicate our lives to - and it must be something that is impossible to complete.
I can tell this post is coming to a conclusion because I'm getting anxious about how to conclude. I want to perform pilgrimage for y'all. Or perform adventure? I don't know. Here's some radical honesty: I'm nervous that those who contributed to my trip financially will judge me for "not doing it right" somehow. What do you want from me? I trust that those who really love me and are clear in themselves want me to follow whatever I want. I asked for elder- mentoring on Facebook and got this question: What do you hope for?
My answer: I hope to travel in the spirit. This was a phrase that came out my clearness committee on January at Western Young Friends New Year's gathering. I am telling myself, after Jacob leaves, then I can drop all the planning and listen to Spirit more. But I know that if I'm using him as an excuse now, then I will find another one then. So I am doing my best to listen now. I got the message today: go to the market. There is a farmer's market in Boquete once a week. Extranjeros sell goodies there as well as locals. I tried to support those who looked local or seemed to only speak Spanish, to disrupt the colonization process happening there with retirees moving en masse. I bought organic sprouts, happy eggs, some traditional treats (like corn shaped into a mini-pita and filled with queso, frijoles, y salsa, and an empanada), parsley for 50 cents, yogurt con melacotón, blackberries, and a veggie meatball made of lentils and quinoa and walnuts. (It was amazing.)
I also got the message, go surfing. This was already an option, but there were a number of options, and I wasn't sure which to follow. So we are headed to Punta Burica now. We came down out of the mountains where Boquete is to David. The transition was rough. I got super stressed at the crowded bus station. I didn't have an address. We ended up taking a taxi to the hostel. No one wanted us on the bus with our big backpacks. (Although we had taken a calm bus ride from Palmira to David. Which was interesting because of the scenic route, as well as the lovely walkways that go over the highways, one of which was even wheelchair accessible. I was impressed by the infrastructure.)
We met three German travelers here at the hostel. They are going to Punta Burica tomorrow too. Meeting German travelers seems to be a theme on this trip. I try to bond with them over the German spelling of my last name. The first one was impressed, but these ones less so.
I'm drawing Tarot cards about every 2.7 days. At first I got The Fool. Then the 8 of Wands. Now I'm on the 2 of Wands. The message: "You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore." I'm ready to do that. It feels like it goes with surfing very well too, although I certainly plan to keep the shore in sight.
I'll draw a new card tomorrow, and see where I'm at in my journey then.
[Journey - from the French word "jour," - "day" - the distance traveled in a day.]
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Arriving in Chico: A Quiet Place to Rest
I have friends who are keeping travel blogs in places far and away: Iceland, Scotland... and I am about to venture into parts unknown to me as well, at which time I imagine I will have plenty I want to share about.
But I found myself wondering last Sunday, why don't I have much to say about my life here, my daily and weekly routine? The only difference between here and anywhere else is the novelty.
So I continued about my day with fresh eyes. And this is what I experienced.
Today I attended a small Quaker meeting of about 12-15 people. I had woken up and pulled a Tarot card before I went out for the day. Well, I pulled about 10 cards, but none of them felt right. Finally, I cut the deck down the middle, pulled the first one, and it was the 10 of Cups. "Joy is yours, if you only look beyond the material and glimpse the light there."
I sat with this phrase in the Quaker meeting. One woman stood up and gave ministry inspired by words from Michael Franti: "Every single soul is a poem/ written on the back of God's hand." I took that into my body. I AM a poem written on the back of God's hand. I can feel that. I can feel it. I swirl through my life with care and carelessness, bringing my rhyme and rhythm into others' lives.
Some of them are touched in ways that they appreciate. After the meeting, a different person came up to me, crying about the hard times she is going through. She told me that I am such an inspiration to her; and I simultaneously knew and didn't know why.
I left the meeting, after texting another person in my life who I had some relational tension with - sharing the thoughts that had been coming up for 3 days. I biked to the park, intending to go through it on my way home, but was called to take a right instead of a left at the bottom of the path, deeper into the park.
It's odd; I felt nervous doing that. I was scared of something. Charles Eisenstein says in one video, Why does it hurt just to exist? One common answer is that it hurts because of the separation from Nature. It hurts because of all the pain on this planet at this time. The 'abiding loveliness' is damaged beyond repair. So I was scared to bike into the park, to wander without purpose, as I have enjoyed at other moments.
I didn't go far. I saw a log, just off the path, ideal for sitting on. There were purple clover flowers all around - one even growing out of the log. Bees hovered on and around the stalks. I had brought colored pencils, and a Tarot drawing journal - with blank space to create images for each card. I drew clover blossoms, and a bee, on the 10 of Cups page.
There was more wonderfulness later - these paragraphs were only the first part, hard to believe how much goodness can fit in a single rotation of our Earth. There were multiple cuddle pass-offs in one day - just as my cuddle buddy housemate was preparing to leave from our snuggly position with his head on my lap on our couch, another dear one arrived to cuddle and, later, pick mulberries. And that night, when my mulberry-picking companion left and I felt sad with my lack of snuggles, my housemate returned to sleep in my bed all night long. I don't always have to be alone (and I am never alone, if I only remember all my plant-kin, cat-kin, Sun-kin, and so on).
Of course, not every day is such a grand series of moments. The past few days have been largely about enjoying being able to sleep in, to not have a schedule - although I am packing my bag, attempting to finish work for various streams of income I maintain other than the main scheduled one that is out for the summer. I enjoyed the two most recent episodes of Once Upon A Time this morning. Simple, indulgent pleasures bring a certain balance to life. I'm traveling through this universe, this pluriverse, and each day is an adventure, each day is new, if I remember to look beyond the routine and glimpse the light here.
But I found myself wondering last Sunday, why don't I have much to say about my life here, my daily and weekly routine? The only difference between here and anywhere else is the novelty.
So I continued about my day with fresh eyes. And this is what I experienced.
Today I attended a small Quaker meeting of about 12-15 people. I had woken up and pulled a Tarot card before I went out for the day. Well, I pulled about 10 cards, but none of them felt right. Finally, I cut the deck down the middle, pulled the first one, and it was the 10 of Cups. "Joy is yours, if you only look beyond the material and glimpse the light there."
I sat with this phrase in the Quaker meeting. One woman stood up and gave ministry inspired by words from Michael Franti: "Every single soul is a poem/ written on the back of God's hand." I took that into my body. I AM a poem written on the back of God's hand. I can feel that. I can feel it. I swirl through my life with care and carelessness, bringing my rhyme and rhythm into others' lives.
Some of them are touched in ways that they appreciate. After the meeting, a different person came up to me, crying about the hard times she is going through. She told me that I am such an inspiration to her; and I simultaneously knew and didn't know why.
I left the meeting, after texting another person in my life who I had some relational tension with - sharing the thoughts that had been coming up for 3 days. I biked to the park, intending to go through it on my way home, but was called to take a right instead of a left at the bottom of the path, deeper into the park.
It's odd; I felt nervous doing that. I was scared of something. Charles Eisenstein says in one video, Why does it hurt just to exist? One common answer is that it hurts because of the separation from Nature. It hurts because of all the pain on this planet at this time. The 'abiding loveliness' is damaged beyond repair. So I was scared to bike into the park, to wander without purpose, as I have enjoyed at other moments.
I didn't go far. I saw a log, just off the path, ideal for sitting on. There were purple clover flowers all around - one even growing out of the log. Bees hovered on and around the stalks. I had brought colored pencils, and a Tarot drawing journal - with blank space to create images for each card. I drew clover blossoms, and a bee, on the 10 of Cups page.
There was more wonderfulness later - these paragraphs were only the first part, hard to believe how much goodness can fit in a single rotation of our Earth. There were multiple cuddle pass-offs in one day - just as my cuddle buddy housemate was preparing to leave from our snuggly position with his head on my lap on our couch, another dear one arrived to cuddle and, later, pick mulberries. And that night, when my mulberry-picking companion left and I felt sad with my lack of snuggles, my housemate returned to sleep in my bed all night long. I don't always have to be alone (and I am never alone, if I only remember all my plant-kin, cat-kin, Sun-kin, and so on).
Of course, not every day is such a grand series of moments. The past few days have been largely about enjoying being able to sleep in, to not have a schedule - although I am packing my bag, attempting to finish work for various streams of income I maintain other than the main scheduled one that is out for the summer. I enjoyed the two most recent episodes of Once Upon A Time this morning. Simple, indulgent pleasures bring a certain balance to life. I'm traveling through this universe, this pluriverse, and each day is an adventure, each day is new, if I remember to look beyond the routine and glimpse the light here.
Friday, April 22, 2016
My Quest Toward Enlightened Subjectivity
I pulled out my tarot cards for the first time the other day in a while. My cats had knocked some crap off my dresser, unveiling a book I have on tarot that I haven't used much and previously didn't find very accessible.
But this morning, I found some new spreads that were inspiring. One of them is about the sacred quest. It's a 7-card spread. Since I'm planning a quest this summer, it felt appropriate.
10 of Cups is a very obvious card for me to get as my quest mission. This card is about Ecotopia, a village in which families play in green pastures, praising the rainbow in the sky. To me it can represent sustainable community. According to one of my book, tens are associated with the concept of Kingdom. This card looks like the kingdom of Earth, a land in which we can dwell happily forevermore.
However, it is reversed. This brought up questions for me, such as, is a sustainable world/kingdom/community impossible?
Or perhaps it is encouragement to recognize the happiness I already have. I live in a village, of sorts - my residential community. This card can be a reminder to celebrate this.
But then, I realized something. Something about polarities reversing. A memory of witch camp, and one of my teachers beginning in the South, instead of North, while casting a circle. And it all clicked into place - this happy village already exists - in the Global South! While it is certainly a generalization, my impression of the cultures "below" the equator is that they tend to be more collectivist. And I hear words from a friend, spoken years ago, about her conversation with a Zapatista elder. My friend had asked, "What can we do in the states to support you?" Her response: "Break down individualism."
This is why I'm going to South America this summer. I need new templates of human interaction. We need this community way of being to survive. We don't have to reinvent the wheel, although we do need to adapt it for our place.
Note that I am under no delusions that the Global South, and South America in particular, is some paradise free of sin or human foible. I know there is a gruesome history of exploitation by those of us who come from European lands. Coffee, sugar, mined materials, and more - the commodification of these goods is tied up with immeasurable suffering at the hands of my kin and compatriots.
But, if nothing else, this card is validation of my journey this summer.
Hey there KW! This fellow showed up in my life at the Montana national rainbow gathering, summer of 2013, in a random pocket trade. It was a different deck, but it's nice to see each other again.
First of all, I noticed the lizard near the top (since this card is reversed). I just learned the Konkow word for lizard - pic'ak. There's a lion at the bottom - Leo, my moon and south node, both signs being qualities I've already mastered and now need to move beyond. Wands channel magic, so maybe reversed, I'm on the path of letting magic flow through me - being the wand rather than using one.
Other than that, I don't make much of this card, and actually kind of want a new deck with less royalty and more imagery that I connect with. So, onward to the books.
This card seems to be about your basic bro who thinks he's so smart and rational and should be the philospher-king. Interesting. For one, this archetype is one that pisses me the fuck off, for lack of a better turn of phrase. Now I'm wondering if I need to honor my inner bro. Could I do this? At least I'm admitting I might have one (yep, I do).
Reversed, the basic bro experiences setbacks that transform him into someone more compassionate and understanding, as well as "serious and austere." (Hey, aren't I already on this path? What else do I have to learn here?) This reminds me of being the facilitator in a consensus-style meeting, rather than making decisions for others, as a king does.
I don't think this King of Wands is done with me. Apparently I've been on this path for at least two years, and I believe more. But let's continue.
I sure am getting a lot of royalty today. A lot of dudebros who think they are in charge - but they AREN'T, according to these reversals. A lot of undoing of the patriarchy, me thinks. Could the emperor reversed represent revolution?
According to my book, this card can signify civilization itself - so, reversed, undoing and dismantling that. It represents the laws of physics as well- which are broken by magic! It is also associated with setting boundaries and defending them - perhaps the reversal is a call to transgress and cross boundaries. And to act irresponsibly, since the Emperor is all about responsibility.
Again, like the King of Wands, the Emperor becomes less harsh and more compassionate and emotional when reversed. But he "may have trouble with clear thoughts and decisive action." (Not very feminist of you, tarot book - portraying compassion and emotion as in opposition to clear thinking.) Maybe decisive action isn't what is needed. This could be an excuse to hedge. The path of hedges...sounds like a deleted scene from Alice in Wonderland.
Temperance reversed sounds like a need for hedonism. Good call, tarot. I notice the red wings, the pouring cups, the flowers like daffodils, and a triangle on the dress.
According to one source, this pouring cups can represent the combination of solar and lunar qualities. Reversed, this card can signify finding it difficult to act in a moderate way and instead going wild, overreacting, or getting caught up in people's emotions.
This is where I'm starting to get really confused by this reading, in particular all the reversals. So, it is Temperance Herself that is opposing me, or Temperance reversed? In this particular placement the reading is especially difficult, because of the opposition. Part of me thinks I need to have a temper tantrum - perhaps about the creepy friend of a friend who keeps showing up in my life and feeling entitled to touch me and feel me up while drunk. Perhaps I should stop holding back and give him a good smack or at least a yelling at. Either way, the call to be more temperate doesn't resonate right now.
Which is confusing, given that if I do need it, that would make it all the more important.
As if I am not already confused enough, now Justice is reversed too.
According to my book, Justice comes at the center of the Fool's journey. It represents the spiritual laws of truth, above the laws of society. It holds a commitment to honesty, as well as combining opposites as seen in the scales. It is about recognizing what we have done and what others have done - that it is never "all my fault" nor am I "always the victim." As has come up in my circles over the past year, "right-sized accountability."
Reversed, this card warns of an injustice in a conflict or our own behavior, and a need to look under the surface of the situation.
Ironically, as much as I love justice and love this card, I feel like the reversal goes hand in hand with Temperance. Just as Temperance opposes me right now, I feel that maybe I'm being called to be less "objective" (along with the Emperor and King of Wands reversed) and more "subjective." To honor my piece of the truth without having to track everyone else's. To hold down my side of the scale and not worry about the other side. To name victimization and trumpet it from the rooftops.
And, at the same time, I resonate with a call to recognize the ways I have victimized others, and may continue to do so. This is also a big theme in my life, one that I have begun expressing over the past year in part by creating a document full of past transgressions in intimate relationships, as well as traumas that influence how I show up for intimate connection. I share this document with new people I'm getting closer to. Justice reversed, in the Aiding position, would seem to approve of this work, and encourage me to continue deepening it.
If I wasn't already clear about the message of this spread, this is the final nail in the coffin of any current attachment to logic and cool rationality I currently have. The Ace of Swords is all about detachment - cutting remarks, a cold blade that pierces directly to the so-called essence of things, meanwhile ignoring that the delight is in the details. Swords remind me of violence and domination.
Reversed this card is associated with illusions, difficulty in thinking, anger, exaggeration, and the need to think more carefully. Again, this is difficult because, like the Temperance card being in the Opposition placement, it's a sort of double-negative - a card that must be sacrificed while also being reversed. It could go both ways.
But the feeling I get is that I actually need to think less carefully, and more on a whim. I'm ready for that. I started by sending a flirty text to someone cute without overthinking it. (Well, I had been, and then I just went for it.) I'm sure there are much bigger applications as well. Like, time to start packing my bags for my trip, and call Air Panama to arrange that flight.
FINALLY...A CARD THAT IS NOT REVERSED! And it's the final card, the card I'm becoming. How perfect is this?
Cups are associated with the element Water, and this is a very watery card. Water is conventionally seen as feminine. She is seated firmly on the throne (reality), while the stream (emotion) flows into her dress and becomes part of her.
She is the Queen of love and sensuality (thank Goddess this wasn't reversed).
I couldn't have drawn a more perfect card to represent who I want to become in my life if I had tried. The throne of reality reminds me of my Venus in Aquarius, becoming the Goddess of Visionary Thinking. Yet I need this to be more than an airy abstraction. And that's where the water comes in.
I don't really even know what to do with this card, it is so wonderful. Am I deserving of this destiny? Do I have to/ need to work with the other cards more before I can embody this archetype? My answer is probably, but that doesn't mean I can't start all of them at once - all Time is Now, after all. We don't live in a linear existence.
One of my books suggests I spend the day with my cards; well, I've spent a couple days with them. I drew them Wednesday morning and have since spent multiple sessions journaling and reading about them, and now this blog. It also tells me to record my dreams and only follow my instincts today.
I could ask the same question for each reversed card. What does the King of Wands look like in the South? How are men or masculine people embodying compassion in the part of the world I'm visiting?
What about the Emperor - this would seem to be an archetypal enemy of the South, considering colonization. But then again, didn't the Inka have Emperors as well, or analogous roles? What can I learn from this history? How were those Emperors different from the European ones? I'm thinking back to my reading of 1492, and remembering that in the Inka empire, there was an excess of goods stored in warehouses. Production was inefficient according to capitalist standards, but in a way that created security and abundance for people.
What does the South have to teach me about Temperance - is this a place for it, and if so, where? What about Justice? And the Ace of Swords, cutting rationality and exaggerated anger? There's a lot here, and I will be keeping my eyes, and hopefully my heart as well, open for what speaks to these questions as I weave my way further into my journey.
But this morning, I found some new spreads that were inspiring. One of them is about the sacred quest. It's a 7-card spread. Since I'm planning a quest this summer, it felt appropriate.
1. What is my quest?
 | ||||||||
| 10 of Cups, reversed |
10 of Cups is a very obvious card for me to get as my quest mission. This card is about Ecotopia, a village in which families play in green pastures, praising the rainbow in the sky. To me it can represent sustainable community. According to one of my book, tens are associated with the concept of Kingdom. This card looks like the kingdom of Earth, a land in which we can dwell happily forevermore.
However, it is reversed. This brought up questions for me, such as, is a sustainable world/kingdom/community impossible?
Or perhaps it is encouragement to recognize the happiness I already have. I live in a village, of sorts - my residential community. This card can be a reminder to celebrate this.
But then, I realized something. Something about polarities reversing. A memory of witch camp, and one of my teachers beginning in the South, instead of North, while casting a circle. And it all clicked into place - this happy village already exists - in the Global South! While it is certainly a generalization, my impression of the cultures "below" the equator is that they tend to be more collectivist. And I hear words from a friend, spoken years ago, about her conversation with a Zapatista elder. My friend had asked, "What can we do in the states to support you?" Her response: "Break down individualism."
This is why I'm going to South America this summer. I need new templates of human interaction. We need this community way of being to survive. We don't have to reinvent the wheel, although we do need to adapt it for our place.
Note that I am under no delusions that the Global South, and South America in particular, is some paradise free of sin or human foible. I know there is a gruesome history of exploitation by those of us who come from European lands. Coffee, sugar, mined materials, and more - the commodification of these goods is tied up with immeasurable suffering at the hands of my kin and compatriots.
But, if nothing else, this card is validation of my journey this summer.
2. What path am I on?
 |
| King of Wands, reversed |
Hey there KW! This fellow showed up in my life at the Montana national rainbow gathering, summer of 2013, in a random pocket trade. It was a different deck, but it's nice to see each other again.
First of all, I noticed the lizard near the top (since this card is reversed). I just learned the Konkow word for lizard - pic'ak. There's a lion at the bottom - Leo, my moon and south node, both signs being qualities I've already mastered and now need to move beyond. Wands channel magic, so maybe reversed, I'm on the path of letting magic flow through me - being the wand rather than using one.
Other than that, I don't make much of this card, and actually kind of want a new deck with less royalty and more imagery that I connect with. So, onward to the books.
This card seems to be about your basic bro who thinks he's so smart and rational and should be the philospher-king. Interesting. For one, this archetype is one that pisses me the fuck off, for lack of a better turn of phrase. Now I'm wondering if I need to honor my inner bro. Could I do this? At least I'm admitting I might have one (yep, I do).
Reversed, the basic bro experiences setbacks that transform him into someone more compassionate and understanding, as well as "serious and austere." (Hey, aren't I already on this path? What else do I have to learn here?) This reminds me of being the facilitator in a consensus-style meeting, rather than making decisions for others, as a king does.
I don't think this King of Wands is done with me. Apparently I've been on this path for at least two years, and I believe more. But let's continue.
3. Where does the path lead me?
 |
| The Emperor, reversed |
I sure am getting a lot of royalty today. A lot of dudebros who think they are in charge - but they AREN'T, according to these reversals. A lot of undoing of the patriarchy, me thinks. Could the emperor reversed represent revolution?
According to my book, this card can signify civilization itself - so, reversed, undoing and dismantling that. It represents the laws of physics as well- which are broken by magic! It is also associated with setting boundaries and defending them - perhaps the reversal is a call to transgress and cross boundaries. And to act irresponsibly, since the Emperor is all about responsibility.
Again, like the King of Wands, the Emperor becomes less harsh and more compassionate and emotional when reversed. But he "may have trouble with clear thoughts and decisive action." (Not very feminist of you, tarot book - portraying compassion and emotion as in opposition to clear thinking.) Maybe decisive action isn't what is needed. This could be an excuse to hedge. The path of hedges...sounds like a deleted scene from Alice in Wonderland.
4. What opposes me?
 |
| Temperance, reversed |
Temperance reversed sounds like a need for hedonism. Good call, tarot. I notice the red wings, the pouring cups, the flowers like daffodils, and a triangle on the dress.
According to one source, this pouring cups can represent the combination of solar and lunar qualities. Reversed, this card can signify finding it difficult to act in a moderate way and instead going wild, overreacting, or getting caught up in people's emotions.
This is where I'm starting to get really confused by this reading, in particular all the reversals. So, it is Temperance Herself that is opposing me, or Temperance reversed? In this particular placement the reading is especially difficult, because of the opposition. Part of me thinks I need to have a temper tantrum - perhaps about the creepy friend of a friend who keeps showing up in my life and feeling entitled to touch me and feel me up while drunk. Perhaps I should stop holding back and give him a good smack or at least a yelling at. Either way, the call to be more temperate doesn't resonate right now.
Which is confusing, given that if I do need it, that would make it all the more important.
5. What aids me?
 |
| Justice, reversed |
According to my book, Justice comes at the center of the Fool's journey. It represents the spiritual laws of truth, above the laws of society. It holds a commitment to honesty, as well as combining opposites as seen in the scales. It is about recognizing what we have done and what others have done - that it is never "all my fault" nor am I "always the victim." As has come up in my circles over the past year, "right-sized accountability."
Reversed, this card warns of an injustice in a conflict or our own behavior, and a need to look under the surface of the situation.
Ironically, as much as I love justice and love this card, I feel like the reversal goes hand in hand with Temperance. Just as Temperance opposes me right now, I feel that maybe I'm being called to be less "objective" (along with the Emperor and King of Wands reversed) and more "subjective." To honor my piece of the truth without having to track everyone else's. To hold down my side of the scale and not worry about the other side. To name victimization and trumpet it from the rooftops.
And, at the same time, I resonate with a call to recognize the ways I have victimized others, and may continue to do so. This is also a big theme in my life, one that I have begun expressing over the past year in part by creating a document full of past transgressions in intimate relationships, as well as traumas that influence how I show up for intimate connection. I share this document with new people I'm getting closer to. Justice reversed, in the Aiding position, would seem to approve of this work, and encourage me to continue deepening it.
6. What must I sacrifice?
 |
| Ace of Swords, reversed |
If I wasn't already clear about the message of this spread, this is the final nail in the coffin of any current attachment to logic and cool rationality I currently have. The Ace of Swords is all about detachment - cutting remarks, a cold blade that pierces directly to the so-called essence of things, meanwhile ignoring that the delight is in the details. Swords remind me of violence and domination.
Reversed this card is associated with illusions, difficulty in thinking, anger, exaggeration, and the need to think more carefully. Again, this is difficult because, like the Temperance card being in the Opposition placement, it's a sort of double-negative - a card that must be sacrificed while also being reversed. It could go both ways.
But the feeling I get is that I actually need to think less carefully, and more on a whim. I'm ready for that. I started by sending a flirty text to someone cute without overthinking it. (Well, I had been, and then I just went for it.) I'm sure there are much bigger applications as well. Like, time to start packing my bags for my trip, and call Air Panama to arrange that flight.
7. What will I become?
 |
| Queen of Cups!! |
FINALLY...A CARD THAT IS NOT REVERSED! And it's the final card, the card I'm becoming. How perfect is this?
Cups are associated with the element Water, and this is a very watery card. Water is conventionally seen as feminine. She is seated firmly on the throne (reality), while the stream (emotion) flows into her dress and becomes part of her.
She is the Queen of love and sensuality (thank Goddess this wasn't reversed).
I couldn't have drawn a more perfect card to represent who I want to become in my life if I had tried. The throne of reality reminds me of my Venus in Aquarius, becoming the Goddess of Visionary Thinking. Yet I need this to be more than an airy abstraction. And that's where the water comes in.
I don't really even know what to do with this card, it is so wonderful. Am I deserving of this destiny? Do I have to/ need to work with the other cards more before I can embody this archetype? My answer is probably, but that doesn't mean I can't start all of them at once - all Time is Now, after all. We don't live in a linear existence.
One of my books suggests I spend the day with my cards; well, I've spent a couple days with them. I drew them Wednesday morning and have since spent multiple sessions journaling and reading about them, and now this blog. It also tells me to record my dreams and only follow my instincts today.
Closing Thoughts
One of my biggest takeaways from this reading is the idea of a reversed card representing the Global South (or the opposite of whatever hemisphere I happen to be in while reading?). The Ten of Cups asked, what does community and utopia mean in the South?I could ask the same question for each reversed card. What does the King of Wands look like in the South? How are men or masculine people embodying compassion in the part of the world I'm visiting?
What about the Emperor - this would seem to be an archetypal enemy of the South, considering colonization. But then again, didn't the Inka have Emperors as well, or analogous roles? What can I learn from this history? How were those Emperors different from the European ones? I'm thinking back to my reading of 1492, and remembering that in the Inka empire, there was an excess of goods stored in warehouses. Production was inefficient according to capitalist standards, but in a way that created security and abundance for people.
What does the South have to teach me about Temperance - is this a place for it, and if so, where? What about Justice? And the Ace of Swords, cutting rationality and exaggerated anger? There's a lot here, and I will be keeping my eyes, and hopefully my heart as well, open for what speaks to these questions as I weave my way further into my journey.
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
EFT for Activists
I don't really need to add a lot of commentary to this video. I woke up the other morning and felt inspired. It is off the cuff, unpolished, unedited. That's OK. Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly (rather than not doing at all). Comments welcome - specific things that came up for you would be inspiring to make another one.
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